April 9, 2005
I am the slime that is lower than the whale shit on the bottom of the ocean.
What did we decide god was? Osho said that love is god. We said that god is unification. God is the unification of the opposites; of all opposites, of everything into the Oneness, unified into one thing. Because everything came from god and that must be the One Thing. Do you guys think it is fair to tell people that they need to graduate from high school, go to college to get a degree, grow up get a good job, get married and have kids and live happily ever after? Is it fair to tell them that is what they should do? Do you think most of those people that are telling people to do that are happy themselves?
You are sort of stuck there, doing the tour right now Donna. How religious would you think your family is, if you stood on the outside looking in, if you were a bystander?
Donna: I wouldn't think they are very religious at all.
Corky: You don't? You all know lots of religious people. Are they really religious, or are they just saying they are religious? Do you think they have really discovered that they have a spirit inside? Most people don't really want to know that they have one, because it takes being in the work. Wow! Maybe the Jehovah's Witnesses are right. Maybe there really are only 144 thousand people that get it. Donna, do you think it is fair for your family to impose their belief on you? Why?
Donna: Their very doctrine says that they believe in worshipping the almighty god according to the dictate of our own conscious, and allow all men the same privilege. Let them worship how, where and what they may. That is one of their basic thirteen articles of faith.
Corky: Do they violate it on you? Do they try to impose their hopes, wishes, wants, desires, needs and vanities on you? Do they sometimes make you feel uncomfortable or guilty?
Donna: They cannot make me feel guilty, but they try.
Corky: But they have been able to in the past. They've been able to put a feeling on you that is a major, "be concerned." How do you feel about that Cami? People imposing their belief system on you and making you feel guilty?
Cami: It is frustrating. It feels violating, because my beliefs are none of their business.
Corky: What about your feelings though, do you find people try to change your feelings about things? Like does Shad do that to you?
Cami: Yes, sometimes. He tries to make me feel or believe something differently, or point out how I'm wrong for feeling the way I feel.
Corky: Do you do it to him as well? Does she do that to you Shad?
Corky: Why do people do that Ron?
Ron: I get that everywhere. Anything I do or say or think if I question anything or say anything, I get that I am a low life dog, and why are you saying anything? So I just don't.
Corky: Where do you get that?
Ron: I don't know. I try to feel or try to connect with how I feel. For a good period of my life I have played games, or done the dance, or said what I needed to say, but a long time ago I decided that I was bullshitting myself and if I feel something I've got to say it.
Because not saying it is bullshitting myself. But if I feel something, I can deny it, but if I feel it, I feel it.
Corky: Do you think it is fair then, since you feel it to impose it on Shad, to put your feelings on him?
Ron: No. I feel how I feel. Whether it is Shad or Stan or Al or Su or you, I feel how I feel.
Corky: There is no question about that, we believe that.
Ron: So if people are around I keep my mouth shut and go about my business, but if something is brought up then I say how I feel. I don't want to say not how I feel, because then I'd be a hypocrite. There is nothing else I can do about it.
Corky: Nobody is arguing with that at all. You should be allowed to feel how you feel. What my question is though is do you think it is fair for Cami to feel a certain way and try to make Shad feel that way?
Ron: Who cares?
Corky: That wasn't the question. Is it fair, or not fair?
Ron: Who cares? If you feel how you feel and you express yourself, that is how you feel. Nobody on this planet can really make them feel any different than how they feel. Everybody imposes things on me, everybody imposes things on Corky, or Su, and whether or not you accept it or shine it on, either you accept it or reject it. I accept how they feel, whether I want to accept it as relevant to me or as not relevant, is my opinion. But is it honest or dishonest of me to say you know, this is how I feel, and because how I feel might disturb somebody's feelings, I will just shut my mouth and say "I just feel so blissful!" So we should just ignore everything, or should we say "I happen to feel something about this." Now I might have my head planted firmly up my ass, I'm not saying I don't, but where I am at, I feel what I feel, and that is how it is. I apologize, but that is how it is.
I am the slime that is lower than the whale shit on the bottom of the ocean. There is whale shit way down there, but I am the slime on the bottom, and that is how I get imposed on, that is what is constantly imposed on me. That is how I feel, because I am obviously lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean. Because if you say I impose on to others, that is what is imposed on me, I am lower than the whale shit at the bottom of the ocean. That is how I feel.
Corky: Wow, that's interesting. Can I ask you a question? Does anybody here really believe that Ron is, not that he doesn't believe that, but does anybody here believe that is what Ron is? Raise your right hand. See Ron, nobody here believes that.
Ron: They can believe whatever they want. But that is how I feel.
Corky: It's okay for you to feel that way. But these guys don't believe that you are lower than whale shit. But if Ron wants to believe that, it's perfectly okay. It's not my perception of Ron. Can I ask you another question Ron?
Ron: As long as you don't mind my answer.
Corky: I liked your answer! Do you really feel that people say that to you? That people tell you that, or do they treat you like that?
Ron: I feel that way. I feel like you treat me that way.
Corky: Oh no! Do you feel that I treat you that way Chris?
Chris: I know how Ron feels. I feel that from time to time.
Corky: You feel that I think that of you, or do you think that I'm opening a door and you are looking at it?
Chris: The times that I feel that way, are the times when I feel exposed and afraid and threatened. Because it's forcing you to look at the weak links in the chain, the weak foundation that you are on.
Corky: So, you are looking at yourself?
Ron: Yes, I am just looking at myself.
Corky: Okay. Didn't Osho say that it was a job to do that? That is what I have to do. Have you felt these things before Al? And if you did, did I do it on purpose, or did it just happen?
Al: I have. And you did it on purpose, to throw a bucket of water on me, to get a message across. But it was very relevant, it helped me.
Corky: So Ron, I make you feel that way. When you leave here, do you feel that way at work?
Ron: No. I'm just saying this is where my perspective is.
Corky: I'm not arguing with you. I believe you. Oh no, that's not a good one! I think you ought to relax and float. Relax for a second.
The dilemma. I think Isha Schwaller talks about the dilemma in the book we're reading right now, The Opening of the Way. You come to the dilemma of sorts and say to yourself, "Wow, there is this dilemma." What did she say to do about it? You are supposed to make lemonade out of it. Make something creative out of manure.
Anyway, I think that Catholic father and mothers try to impose the Catholicism on the children. Because they feel so strongly about the Catholicism that they try to allow their children feel guilty for not being a part of it. They let them feel guilty, or they make them. I think some Mormons do that too. The Jewish people are heavy into making the family feel guilty, those Jewish mothers are intense right Chris? Aren't they demanding Chris?
Is it fair for you Shad to try to impose your will on Cami? Why do you do it?
Shad: Because I think I'm right.
Corky: No, that is the way you feel. Why do you feel that way? Is it because you gained those feelings and you are harboring them? You have a harbor of ships in your harbor; you don't want anything happening to those ships so you are harboring them, keeping them away from the storm. Protecting them. If you are in the safe harbor you are okay, but if you are out there in the ocean you aren't okay — it isn't safe out there. Sort of like the groups, if you were in the right group you were harbored. But there were times where you were cast out into the field of being bait for anybody, right? People become bait because they couldn't find a safe harbor. How many people do you think there are Shad?
Shad: There are over 6 billion on this planet right now.
Corky: Just on this planet! There must be fifty billion planets with six billion people on each, someplace in the universe. There are lots of people out there! But I thought there was only one person. The only reason there are six billion people on this planet, because all six billion have different feelings and they separate themselves because of their feelings.
There really is only one feeling and only one person. When you go out of the one feeling, you automatically create a field that is a of chaos of feelings, and you cannot decide which one you want to land on at that moment, because there are so many of them. So you pick on the ones that you think are paramount at that moment and you land on those feelings. And if you want to be able to hold on to them, you gotta get somebody else hold on to them too. Because if you are the only one holding on them they are not very valuable, they gotta have worth so you have to have more people holding on to them. That is called missionary work. So you proselyte and try to get other people to hold on to the feelings. But in reality there is only one feeling. It is the ultimate. It is without. It is within. It is the feeling of nothingness. It is totally free. But at the same time it is all alone and there is only one of them. It is everything.
Do you do that to Shad, Cami where you pick some chaotic feelings and try to impose them on him? Where do they come from?
Cami: If I pay attention to them, which is not often but if I do I can usually identify them with my body.
Corky: Oh no! They are body feelings?! In the book it talks about body feelings and spiritual feelings, there is a difference. These chaotic feelings attached to your body, when you die you won't necessarily have them. But it is possible that you may still have them. They could have a clinging effect. They could have clung on to your essence and then incarnate into a new body, just like the one you left, because that's what you left, and that is what you are going to start out with, as long as you have your attention on your body feelings, rather than your essence feelings.
As you get older, you start to see it a little more clearly the feelings that are body feelings, and not essence feelings. You start to not be so attached to your body. Before you thought you could use your body for a tool in one way or another, to get what you wanted, but now you are getting older and it's not relevant. How about you Su, you have body feelings and essence feelings, which one is more paramount to you?
Su: It depends on what's happening.
Corky: That is the dilemma, deciding between your essence feelings and your body feelings. I think Ron said it pretty clearly you could either buy into them, or you could ignore them. Do you think that if Cami ignores your body feelings that she is being bad, Shad what is your perspective?
Shad: That depends on my perspective.
Corky: It changes?
Shad: Yeah it does. Sometimes it is very good for her to be bad and ignore my body feelings, and sometimes it can be hell.
Corky: What did Osho say about this topic in the last book we read? Everybody goes through it alone. No matter how much you want to think somebody else is involved in it or whatever, you are really in it alone, and it is all your decision. You can either buy into it or not buy into it.
I think to really be honest with you guys, and I'm going to take a vote on this, I think Ron likes to be a martyr. How many would like to vote on Ron liking being a martyr?
Ron: I realize there is work to do, and I realize that I have miles to go. Is it, or is it not fair to simply look out of your eyeballs and see and feel where you are at, and not gloss anything over, and I don't need to be a martyr, I got my own row to hoe, in reality isn't it possible to look at your own situation and be honest with how you feel?
Shad: So does being honest mean turning yourself into the worst scum that is underneath the whale shit at the bottom of the sea?
Ron: I don't harbor on it, but occasionally every once in awhile, it is your directive to figure out where you are. Before you can go anywhere to see where you are, feel where you are, admit where you are and be where you are at. All I am saying is, I've thought a lot of things about myself throughout my life; I have been over here and way over there and all the way up here. But I have also seen the reality of where I really am. I'm not saying anything about anybody else. I'm just saying where I feel I really am.
Corky: Okay. My only question is and I am not arguing with you, but why do you have to characterize it as being that way? You do have to go to the bottom. You have to be bleeding and bruised in the gutter of life before you can awaken. Everybody does it differently. Some people do it over a moment, some people do it over 8,400,000 lifetimes and then they do it in a moment. It happens in a moment. Some people take it gradually and slowly. It's really interesting to hear Ron say that. It's interesting for him to categorize himself like that.
There is no normal, there is no such thing as normal. Everybody is at a different state, and wherever they are at is okay for them. I was just wondering if it is fair for Jesse to bite me at 3:30 in the morning. You see I am training him. If he bites me, I put him out. But if he decides that he would rather be in the room with me, he can't bite me. But if he would rather be out, he'll continue to bite me.
Ron: So, how do you train somebody?
Corky: You don't. All you can do is say where you want to be, like you said before. You will just be there in the relaxing of it and you will just go away from it if it bothers you. Like when I put Jesse out of the room. I put him out because he bites me, and when he's biting me I can't go to sleep and I can't rest. We just temporarily part is all. I could not ever leave Jesse, ever. Just for a moment, for a couple of hours we are apart and then the rest of the time he is sitting on my chest looking in my eyes as an essence, saying we are going to meditate together and we meditate. So I guess it is an extreme between when he wants to bite me like Mac, so when he does that and I want to sleep, he stays outside and then he comes back in and meditates on me and rests there. So 99% of the time he is there, just a couple of hours he's gone.
Have you thought about going to heaven Stan? Have you thought about what is going to happen when you die at all, have you considered it?
Stan: I've read a couple of books and stuff like that.
Corky: No, I mean have you done any personal consideration?
Stan: Not really, to the point of believing I'm going anywhere.
Corky: Do you think you are going to stop existing?
Stan: No, I don't think existence stops. I am just more concerned about developing myself here, what I am now, developing myself, so that maybe I'll be fully developed or prepared for it.
Corky: To do what?
Stan: Whatever happens.
Corky: Wow. You ought to write a spiritual will, like the Pope did. I think probably the LDS leadership have spiritual wills, but I don't know.
Stan: Yeah, I would assume after describing it like you did that they might have them, but they wouldn't be called spiritual wills. Just talking about what they want done in the event of their death.
Corky: Those are last will and testaments, everybody has those. They talk about what they want done with their worldly goods, or do estate planning or whatever. What I'm talking about is a will that states what you want to have happen to your spirit or your essence when it goes on.
Stan: I don't see how a will could affect that.
Corky: Ooooh. It does, you know why? Because wherever your attention is at, is where you are at. If your attention is on the world, you will go right back to doing that. But if you have your attention on your essence and you want to be more in creation itself, rather than being the chaos out here in the world, that is where you will be. That is if you have a spiritual will and if you have the ability to put your attention there by storing your kinetic energy potentially within your will, your personal essence will, then you will be the decider, the diviner. That's one term for them.
I will be right here, in the mummiform as one. If anybody wants to say hello, I'll say hello right back honest! You will be surprised! No, you will be really surprised! They haven't been mummifying people on planet earth for awhile. They burned all the last ones, used them for fuel for steam engines. I can't believe how low the planet got. They used the mummies for fuel, god, amazing!
Does Su put her thing on you Ron? She must, I thought you said she did. How do you feel when she does it? How do you deal with it? Does it make you feel differently? How does it make you feel?
Corky: Low, oh no. Why would Ron feel low? Because Su is not doing what he wants? Su feels like Ron is not doing what she wants, and Ron feels like Su is not doing what he wants. So they both feel in conflict. They are not doing what the other one wants. Do you feel that way with Cami, Shad? Do you feel that Shad's not doing what you want, and Cami is not doing what Shad wants? Is that what relationships are? Is that what most relationships are like? Are there any relationships that aren't like that?
Shad: They only exist with people who you don't know and have never met.
Corky: Wow. You know the thing that is really interesting it seems like from what I've seen on TV and stuff, it seems like we're in the divorce age! I say you should be with someone at least 13 years, but marriages are only lasting three years! That means you could go on for 47 years. Do you really want one of those Chris, one of those relationships?
Chris: It is the dilemma. Sometimes it feels really good to be just down the street, and alone. Sometimes it's frustrating.
Corky: I think these classes make Cami and Shad's relationship better. You know why? I think you guys are really good together. What it does is it lets you look at the things that you don't say when you are at home, but you can say them here, and then you can go home and just relax with them. You can then go on with life and make life happy. So it is sort of fun to come here, isn't it? Even though sometimes the things that we dig up are a little uncomfortable. But at the same time, they have an opposite side to them; they are so uncomfortable that they feel good.
There is only one person, one feeling, and it divided itself into infinite feelings and infinite people.