Become Female to Surrender - Part 1

February 12, 2005

Your male and your female inside are so important to discover.

I think when Osho was giving his lectures on communes back in the '80's and stuff like that, he probably was looking to sometime in the future. Or he was probably talking about a commune of people that were 65 and older. The only reason that I say that is today, in today's age, it wouldn't be good to have a commune where a group of people got together, and you didn't care who was holding who's hand or whatever, because you don't know who's hand has what these days. Everybody see the new article on the new HIV? What did it say Chris?

Chris: That it's a new strain that is resistant, and it goes into full blown AIDS fairly quickly.

Corky: How quickly? Tell them Bernie.

Bernie: Weeks, months.

Corky: A couple of weeks, a couple of months. As opposed to 10 years. How long does it take you to die of the new AIDS, one year?

Bernie: This is the first case, so they are watching to see what happens.

Corky: Well, I saw the guy on TV and it looked like he was getting ready to drop dead. They think that a lot of people have it, but they don't know that they've got it yet. But it's really intently out there, and it's just going to explode on the scene and everybody is going to go 'pop', and drop dead from it.

So having a commune like Osho talks about in his books would be a dangerous prospect in today's society. Because you would probably never get the people that came to it to be honest in the first place. And that's what happened to his commune in Oregon, they all got AIDS. That's when it first popped up.

So a commune that people could have in the future would be a commune that I have sort of talked about, and Osho talks about it. A commune where people become celibate. Sexually celibate. That they drop sex. They still have an orgasm, but they have an orgasm with themselves. They don't have to do sex. That's what Osho is talking about in his books. But what happened in his commune back in the 80's was everybody that came there came out of the 60's and they thought it was a sex thing, and that everybody ought to jump on everybody else and do their thing or whatever, and I guess Osho could have been a little naive at first and allowed that to happen. I've sort of pooh-poohed that around here for many, many years. Haven't I sort of said that isn't a good idea Al?

Al G: Yeah, I've heard you talk about that for easily 20 years.

Corky: Twenty or thirty years? That it's not a good idea right? Why?

Al G: Well, it's like you were saying there is a - to go back and use a dated word - 'the love-in' consciousness. Where it's free love and free sex that takes place. It's a consciousness of people where that is number one on their minds, and that's why they are there. And AIDS is an example of what comes with that.

Corky: That's just one of them. I hate to talk about people behind their back when they are not here, but I always do. We have people that come here that say they want a different woman every weekend right? Have you ever heard somebody say that around here? What's going to happen if you get a different woman every weekend Al Martin?

Al M: You are just throwing the dice and it's going to come up snake eyes sooner or later.

Corky: You are going to get the new HIV for sure, guaranteed! Or you are going to get the warts. Or the three types of warts, or your nose will grow long, or your weenie will fall off or something will happen, your labia lips will turn into piranha teeth or something like that.

But Osho does talk about becoming sexually celibate, but still being able to have an orgasm with yourself. That's what I've been talking about for the last year. That you can still maybe be in the presence of the energy, and still have the orgasm, and still go into the transcendence, but you don't necessarily need a mirror as he calls it. Isn't that what he said in the book? That you won't need a mirror? Because you have the female in you, or you have the male in you already, so you don't need it.

Al G: That's an interesting term, "mirror". So how is he implying that when you have a partner... he was saying that you have a mirror?

Corky: There are degrees in everything. And I would say that sex starts out with a thought in the mind. It's a thought in the mind. It is biological nature, like Osho says. He says that the male sex cell came together with the female sex cell, and the two sex things joined together, and they started having sex. One went into the other. Gastrulation took place, and then every cell of the body out of that became a sex cell. So, when you are first born you are naturally sexual, and when you turn 14 years old you are a sex maniac! But when you hit 42, you've got a chance of recovery. It's called triple AAA Anonymous! You can recover from it. Chris, you used to say this was an obnoxious subject to you. Saying something like, that if you weren't allowed to be normal that it would be intrusive into your way that you really felt?

Chris: Oh yes! Yes, I said that.

Corky: I mean, he used to really have a position, right Cami? A propensity?

Chris: I don't want to pretend that it's been mastered.

Corky: I didn't ask you to say that or anything.

Chris: But I am more relaxed now.

Corky: Don't you think it's easier Ron, the older you get, the easier life is? In the sexual way?

Ron: It gets easier? Yeah, it just doesn't work anymore!

Corky: I mean, you don't have to worry about it right?

Your male and your female inside are so important to discover. Because if you try to identify yourself with being just a man or just a woman, if you are just a man you'll end up being a warrior, if you are just a woman you'll end up being a prostitute. But if you can find a blending of the two... does that make sense? If you are a man you are a warrior; you kill people. If you think you are all female, and that's the only thing you are, you will use that in some way. The story in the Bible about Mary Magdalene is so prophetic. It's a story of a woman who was a woman, just all woman - no male, no recognition of the male inside, until she met Jesus. She was a prostitute. She was just using that as a calling card. You talked about it the other day in class Cami, was it last Saturday? You said a pure woman is a prostitute, in so many words.

Cami: That you use it because you can?

Corky: Yeah. Isn't that what you said? Don't you think that a woman, or a person that's man and woman inside a female body that has decided to be perfection in just one aspect could say - "Okay. I'll decide to be a woman and use the perfection of this body that I'm in as a woman, and not balance it with the opposite side of the man within me, and just be whole."? And they are just one sided and they use it? What do they use that for?

Cami: To gain something.

Corky: It's their employment? It's their work? It's their enjoyment? It's everything they are? They allow it to be everything, and so they miss out on the other half of life?

Cami: Yes.

Corky: Can they be creative in it, really?

Cami: Not really, because it's missing the other half.

Corky: You can't use the other half. You can't use the strength of masculinity. And so why does Osho say that you've got to become female to surrender, Shad?

Shad: Because almost everybody is actually male.

Corky: Weird isn't it? And so there is a struggle automatically created within a female that does that. Was there a time in your life Cami that you did that?

Cami: Yes.

Corky: Do you remember it?

Cami: It's interesting, a couple of weeks ago you talked about having that and using it until you no longer have it, which is exactly what I've experienced.

Corky: But don't you think you could revert and go back and change yourself to use it again because you're young enough to do that? Don't you think you could do that again if you wanted to?

Cami: Yes. It's funny because that's been a struggle for so long for me, and recognizing what I would be, or what kind of person I'd be, if I were to do that, is what deters me from it. Because I don't think I would be balanced. I would be imbalanced and probably be something or someone I don't want to be.

Corky: Looking back at that point in time, do you think that the men were really victims or do you think they were participants?

Cami: Participants.

Corky: Do you think that this story about being a victim is a pile of donkey poop?

Cami: Yes, yeah I do.

Corky: What do you think about that Chris?

Chris: I agree.

Corky: A pile of donkey poop. A victim. So when you say you're a victim, don't you think it's a pile of donkey poop?

Chris: Yes.

Corky: I'm talking about that donkey that was running around in the field trying to put it to that Mexican guy. That video was on the internet, did you get a chance to see that? Anybody miss it? There was this guy that had this donkey that was running around, I think they made the movie on purpose to sell it or something like that, and the donkey got this big hard on and kept on jumping on this guy, and he laid down on the ground and the donkey did him. I mean this donkey thing was big! I thought "Oh my god!" I think it was a takeoff on Tijuana, where the donkeys do the girls down there. This was a 20 second, or 30 second video. It wasn't very long. It's on the internet. Everybody is sending it to everybody. I think it was a great movie. It was advertising some product I think, but they cut the product off at the very end. Something like "slip it in easy" or something like that.

Shad: There's a KY Jelly ad for ya!

Corky: Be sure to leave that in the book. But put it in so that people can enjoy the joke of it.

Anyway, what Osho was saying is there is a point in your awakening that you need to go through. He said if you were lucky enough to be born in a commune where sex wasn't a big deal, and everybody had sex when they were 14 years old, but at the same time I would say it should be a closed commune, if there was such a thing. Not on this planet, someplace where there aren't all these diseases. The diseases are created by the consciousness of the people that are in it. Because they make it sex, rather than love. Rather than god. That is what he speaks of. Because they turn it into Hugh Heffner. It gets turned into religion, or Hugh Heffner. Pornography or religion, it's one of the two. But between the two there is a transcendence where you reach a point where you can be in a bonding where sex isn't necessary. You are just in the state of it, and you transcend it. And you may begin that way, but it ends up just being in a state of being. And you are in an aloneness with it. You start out with a mirror. But as you look at the mirror, the mirror becomes you. Because every female is also male, and every male is also female. There is only one female and there is only one male. And the only female is inside of you. And the only male is inside of you. There is only one. But in the diversity of it is the new HIV. Because everybody turns it into sex, rather than love and god. They made a sexual thing out of it. They make a need out of it. And when there is a need or a want, or a desire - there is a trick. Right? A trick. Where did that word come from, a trick? Anybody ever hear that word before? Where is that word used mostly today Shad?

Shad: Prostitution.

Corky: Prostitution, it's a trick. What's the trick Al? You saw it in prison didn't you? What was the trick in prison? How did someone trick someone else into doing their thing?

Al M: Oh. There are a thousand ways, through intimidation.

Corky: Doesn't it all boil down to sex? Even in prison with a bunch of men it all boiled down to sex didn't it?

Al M: Yeah.

Corky: Wasn't that weird? When you look back on it now, it was "Who's belonged to who? Who had control over what?" It was a sexual thing.

You know, some guy calls asking if we would raise peafowl so he could eat them. I said "Hey, we don't do that here. This is a peafowl sanctuary.' Does that sound familiar to the prostitution? Let me raise peafowl so I could eat them. Is that sort of a background feeling in that state of being able to use that power?

It's an aggressive power. So the female being driven by the male inside, isn't really a female when they are a prostitute are they? They are really a male aren't they? So what Osho says, back to the original topic, is why do you need to become a female to get it? To surrender? Because females aren't prostitutes. Only males are. They may have a female body but they are not in their female consciousness. They couldn't be could they?

Men are prostitutes. They prostitute themselves to the world to try to gain things. So that they can get something to put in their sock, right Bernie? Tell us about it real quick. Take off your headphones and come over between Ron and Su and tell us about it real quick. This is going to be fun huh? This is a good story. This was Bernie's destiny in life to do this. I mean, he had to go through this in this life incarnation. Why don't you tell the story to Ron and Su about all the things that lead up to it. You'll need this blanket to tell this story.

Bernie: All the things. Well, there was really only one thing that lead up to it, and that was...

Corky: No, no, no, start it when you were young.

Bernie: Well, it's still the same thing. It started when I was born, and I just developed the want.

Corky: A want for what?

Bernie: A want for sex. A want for companionship. A want for something I thought was going to make me happy. A want to be happy.

Corky: What's happy?

Bernie: I don't know. What is it to be happy? I don't think people really know what it means to be happy.

Donna: To me it means to be at peace.

Corky: That's not happiness. Happiness is an orgasm of some sort.

Bernie: That too. Happiness is some sort of a feeling.

Corky: Okay, let's get down to the story.

Bernie: Anyway, so you grow up in life, I grew up in life with the wants, and they just kept getting stronger and stronger, and of course I think society helps you to develop all of those. And I had the wants. So I was looking.

Corky: You had a want?

Bernie: I had a bunch of wants I guess. I mean, bottom line they are all sort of the same thing. So anyway, you know I'm looking around to satisfy the wants. Looking for opportunities to satisfy the want. And I saw an opportunity to satisfy the want. And so I went for it.

Al Greco: Don't stop there. Details! Details!

Bernie: Well, we can talk about the someone I met, her name is Amy.

Corky: Okay! Here we go. This is getting more dangerous. Let's get a picture! It's called honesty. Okay.

Bernie: I met someone who's name was Amy.

Corky: Wow, this is great video! You guys ought to see it from back here! This is a great class! Ron is so cute! Give Bernie a kiss on the cheek Ron, go ahead, it's okay.

Al Martin: He licked his lips before he did it.

Ron: Of course, I didn't want to give him a dry kiss.

Corky: He licked his lips first? That's good! That's the best kind. I wouldn't want a dry kiss. Bernie ought to thank him. Okay, kiss on the lips! Wait, wait, one more time. I gotta get a picture. Hey Ron, you can move around in front of him. Got it!

Bernie: Okay, so I ran into Amy again. She was looking for something too.

Corky: What was she looking for?

Bernie: She was looking for a sugar daddy.

Corky: When did you discover that though? Did you know it at first, or did you think that?

Shad: Or did you care?

Bernie: Exactly too! No and no. I didn't know and I wouldn't have cared.

Corky: It wouldn't have made any difference if you had known. You sort of knew?

Bernie: No, not at the beginning, and I'm not sure if it was more clear to me at the beginning, I might have reacted differently. But, you know.

Shad: It's an opportunity.

Bernie: Yeah. It's an opportunity and I went for it.

Al Greco: Was this recent?

Bernie: This was a few years ago, around the year 2000. So anyway, I really got wrapped into my attachment, my possession of being with Amy, of having her. And you know, from the get go it's a relationship that has a crummy foundation, and that's going to be doomed. And it failed. If you want to call it that. We ended up breaking up.

Corky: Were you ever really together?

Bernie: No, nothing really close.

Corky: What did Amy want?

Bernie: Amy wanted to be able to get money and buy things. She loved going shopping at Bloomingdales.

Corky: Did you take money out of your bank account and put it in a bank account so she could get money? Now think about that. I remember you doing it.

Bernie: Taking money out of my account...and put it in a company bank account?

Corky: Yeah, out of your savings?

Bernie: I'm trying to remember. Something happened with money I can't remember the details. I won't deny it.

Corky: Oh god! I remember you taking your personal money and funding the company for about 10 grand for just one pay period, because Amy needed her check. Was it something like that?

Bernie: Okay. Well, yeah, there was something going on with money, yeah. I mean, there was. I can't remember the exact details.

Corky: But you were paying the bills. You were paying the company, so Amy would stay there.

Bernie: I paid so me, Amy and Ty would be paid.

Corky: It was okay if he stayed there too. But you were buying it?

Bernie: Yup.

Corky: Oh no! Bernie bought it. Let me get a picture of that.

Bernie: Oh yeah! I did it. I bought it. I'm the guy that ran behind the big tit that was going down the road. Saying, "Wait for me!!"

Al Greco: You got off easy if it was only ten thousand!

Corky: I think it was a very good life incarnation lesson, don't you?

Bernie: Yeah, well that happened and then when the break up occurred, when you've got this want that you've been wanting all your life and you have it, you have what you think you want and you lose it, and the break up happens and everything....WHOA! So, I got a really good dose of myself. The way I was feeling and everything and I got a good look at things. Well, the look got better later. When you are in it, you are in it, and it's difficult. But I mean, I knew that when I came out of it I would have a better understanding of it.

Corky: [To Cami] Make sure you put this in the book alright? You were going to say what Al?

Al Martin: Isn't there a law that says, if you want something you are not going to get it?

Corky: There is a law saying that if you are in want, then you'll never get it. But once you surrender to it, it's yours. So that's why Osho says that you need to become a female.

Al M: Yeah, because men want all of the time.

Corky: If you don't want it, it's yours. But if you want it, it will always get away.

Al M: That's the trouble with a lot of men, they want it and they never get it.

Corky: Did you hear that Chris? If you want it, you'll never get it. If you don't want it, it knocks on your door. It's not a game though. You can't pretend to do it. It's got to be an actual happening inside of you.

Chris: I'm starting to be afraid of it.

Corky: You ought to be afraid of it! It could give you that HIV. It could give you everything that's on the block. I heard it's worse down there at the end of the block, than on this end. I heard down there on that end of the block is the new HIV, you get it that day and the next day you drop dead.

Chris: You're in the good neighborhood then.

Corky: Just because we plant good flowers over here. Take care of all the needy things. What do you think Bernie, do you have any more to say about that?

Bernie: Well it's funny, guess who I got an email from the other day?

Everyone: Amy?!

Bernie: Yeah. She's married now.

Corky: Yeah, but she's got the money. She's ready to get divorced and move on. So she's finding out if you did ever dial in with the money, it's the second round. Donna did you ever marry a man because you thought you could get a better life financially?

Donna: Yes, I did.

Corky: You did that? When was that?

Donna: My first husband.

Corky: Oh Brent? And then you had all those kids? Oh no. Well, I think we're running out of time here, we've got just a few minutes left. Who else would like to make a confession? I bet Al down here would like to make a confession, about Jude. Al, would you like to make a confession about Jude? Look right here into the camera.

Al Martin: I'll have to drink that nectar first.

Corky: Al, let me take a close up picture of your face for posterity. Look at me, come on. Al, come on. I'll take a picture, now look, you are sweet looking. You're going to get something if you look!

Al M: So anyway, what about Jude?

Corky: Yeah, tell us about Jude. What happened to you?

Al M: He's so easily distracted, see how I got out of that?

Corky: How you got out of it? You went to prison to get out of it! What do you mean, how you got out of it? She put you in prison!

Al M: No she didn't.

Corky: Your desires put you in prison, to keep her.

Al M: I don't know. It was easy money and I just...

Su: You still don't admit it.

Al M: It wasn't Jude though, come on.

Corky: What was it? It would have been another girl though.

Al M: I don't know. I just did it. It was just easy money. Three minutes of work and you are good for three or four or five years. It wasn't for Jude though. Sure, I loved her.

Corky: Yeah, but would you have had her, if you didn't have the money?

Al M: Jude wasn't that way.

Corky: You could have been poor. Chris has all these girlfriends hanging out at his place, right Chris? These young 16 year olds!

Chris: Yeah right. No.

Corky: What do you have to have Chris?

Chris: You have to have something going on that they want.

Corky: Is that true Cami, at that age?

Cami: You have to convince them that you have something that is going to benefit them. You don't have to necessarily have it, but they have to believe that you have it. And I only know that from experience because I believed it too.

Bernie: See, I didn't have it. But you know, I was going to have it.

Corky: You're lucky Shad. She's honest! You married a good woman, an honest woman. You know what I mean? You're very lucky. You guys ought to stay together for a long time. Like Osho says, at least maybe 50, 60 years, ya know? Because if you do anything else you're going to get HIV.

Shad: Stay together, or die.

Corky: So you gotta make sure you get tested monthly if anything ever happens to you guys. Daily. Go to the clinic over here on third east and sixth south. They do every kind of test on you over there, let me tell ya. They got young women doctors over there. They have all these women doctors over there, did you know that three quarters of the new doctors are women? Then, they have the only person in the state of Utah over there at the clinic that has HIV.... well, that's admitted it anyway. She's about 16 years old and she comes out and gives everybody a little lecture.

The guy that painted this painting over the altar died of HIV. His name was Doug, and when he was 19 years old he was a male prostitute. That was back in '77 or '78. Very good looking guy, young, perfect shape, and he sold his body for cocaine, and got AIDS and died about 22. He was a great artist. Great potential. But he decided that he would be sexual, rather than intersexual. Rather than transcend sex. He made it a sexual thing.

What did Osho say? Jump from one, hit and, hit and run.... that's a good term for it don't you think? A hit and run. Like an accident. You hit them in the pedestrian cross walk, and then you run. Hit and run. God!

I think everybody who has ever had sex in their whole life should get tested, so they know where they are at. I got tested three times in the last three months. Because I heard that the person I was having sex with last summer was testing everything else. What do you think Al Martin?

Al M: I'm not going to say what I'm thinking.

Corky: Why? Go ahead. Oh come on, let's hear it.

Al M: Nope, no, no.

Corky: You don't want to be fair? Come on now Al, tell us what were you thinking?

Al M: You never gave me that glass of nectar, so I'm not going to say anything.

Corky: Okay. We'll pour some more when we come back, we're taking a break.