The Quest - Part 2

May 14, 2005

...most people will die in body, but refuse to die in their propensities.

Corky: Oh no Al, Serena thinks you're worried about her when you're worried about Chris. Serena, Al isn't really worried about you right now, he's concerned about Chris. So listen to this. If you give yourself a chance you can separate yourself from yourself and realize what other people are doing, if you give yourself a chance. But the only way you can give yourself a chance is if you can put yourself with them totally and forget that you exist. Does that make sense? Ok, so for just a second Chris, forget that you exist and let Al sit between your legs.

If you can take your attention off of yourself and let it be with something other than yourself, you have a possibility of changing. But if you can't take your attention off of yourself and you always have yourself involved in everything that you allow happening, then you stay yourself. It's a balance. Once you're able to keep your attention off of yourself, in more of a balance of the phi proportion, then you evolve because you've let go of yourself more than your holding on to it. You're in a greater proportion of letting go of yourself so the evolution can take place. So for Chris to drop his propensity and let Al sit between his legs is letting go of himself. That's an obstacle you've created. It doesn't mean you want Al to sit there. It doesn't mean that's what you're doing. It means it's not an obstacle. It doesn't mean that that's what you have to do in life.

What you want to do in life is surrender and become a worker on the pathway of creation. It's like joining the army, the Salvation Army if you were a Christian and involved in the dogma. But it's a letting go of your self into an un-designed form in the future, rather than a pre-designed form. You don't know what it's going to be. Because if you design it your stuck in the design.

Steve: So what's the deal with the spiritual will?

Corky: You write the spiritual will as a direction. It's like setting your compass to north, east, south, west. I would say you want to set your compass to transcend. Instead of going on one plane, you want to transcend this plane and evolve. And so you can write a spiritual will and all a spiritual will says is "I set my compass to leave this plain."

But, I know when I get to the station there will be a lot of tickets offered, like it says in the Bardo Thodol. So you can choose the ticket you want. I'm not saying you should try and become a Buddha, I'm not saying you should try to do anything dramatic. But I think you ought to at least be nice to yourselves instead of torture yourselves. Its better to be nice to yourself, let yourself out of all your prisons and emancipate yourself, or the other word, liberation. I think it's a quest that comes out of creation itself. It's the beginning quest. It's what creation is, its liberation from where you were to where your going. And as long as you're liberating yourself you're creating a new self. Because when you're not liberation and you're not emancipation, you're stationary. And so it is getting in harmony with what's happening with creation itself and changing. But it seems to me as if there are a lot of people holding on. What would you say Chris?

Chris: It's interesting that you say this right now. You can see it, it's a stubbornness, a refusal to give up your position.

Corky: Or to change. Like Al sitting between your legs. Now, Serena is it ok to say something nice to you?

Serena: Always.

Corky: Ok, so I have permission to say something nice? Ok. If you can surrender enough to take your attention off of yourself and be in another existence, another person's existence, if you can lose yourself in it, if you can lose yourself in everything, you discover that you're looking at that existence from yourself. And that there is only one self and that's you. There really is only one person in existence and that's you. That's what the paradox is about it. And if that person changes their perception, the universe changes for them and for everything because there is only one person.

But once you've reached that point there's a problem. The problem is that if you're that one person, in another reality there still happens to be all those people, those things that came out of creation. All those monad parts of creation. Everything came out originally as a monad, one cell, then those cells joined together to become an amoeba, they joined together to become an element, they joined to become a form, they joined together to become an essence, they joined together to have consciousness, they joined together to become incarnated, they joined together into form and feeling. They joined together to add all these things onto themselves. But they still stayed single as they did it, until they reached the far reaches of the pendulum and they headed back into the involution. Does everybody know what the involution is? Al, tell everybody what the involution is.

Al M.: It's a swing back to wherever you came from.

Corky: And doesn't everybody do that? Isn't it manifested by death in life, but most people will die in body, but refuse to die in their propensities. Haven't you seen it happen here over the years? It's unbelievable. The people that come here and the things they go through and to be able to stay here. What do you think Al? This place is intense! What did you think of John Manning when I told him he couldn't come back Chris? That he wasn't allowed on the property. Remember John Manning?

Chris: Oh yes, Oh yes.

Corky: Why wasn't he allowed on the property?

Chris: Well we went through periods of allowing him and not allowing him.

Corky: But why wasn't he finally allowed? What was he telling people? What do you remember Al?

Al M.: I think he was saying if you fuck me you'll be enlightened or something like that.

Corky: Right, that's what he was telling the girls. He was saying if you will screw me you'll become enlightened. I think it would have been the other way is all I'm saying. So it became dangerous for us to allow John Manning to be around here. Wouldn't you say that it's dangerous to have someone saying that to the people that came to the lectures to learn how to meditate? Al, don't you think that would be dangerous to allow someone like that to live here?

Al M.: Oh yeah. It would be dumb.

Corky: It would be stupid don't you think? So we told John Manning not to come back, I said "John you can't do that here, you cant be here." Anyway, that's why we tell people not to come around here right? If they're going to do anything that's objectionable to the law of the land, it causes a problem.

Serena, can I ask you a personal question? I want you to relax for just one second. If I asked you a personal question, do you promise to not act upon it, but just to think about it?

Serena: Ok.

Corky: Is that a promise?

Serena: That's a promise.

Corky: Hold your right hand to the square like a boy scout.

Serena: I promise Corky.

Corky: Ok, you promise not to act out on anything I say here but just to think about it or change your essence about it but not do anything physical or overtly or anything like that?

Serena: Yes, I promise.

Corky: Ok, everybody heard her? Ok, let's discuss something. This is the question. Is it fair to abuse your powers?

Serena: To assert my will on other people?

Corky: No, to abuse your powers. The question was, is it fait to abuse your powers? Just say yes or no.

Serena: No.

Corky: Its not is it. Why?

Serena: Because I may display certain strengths that other people can't say no to, but in reality I'm not entitled to any reward because of those powers. My power has to do with my youth and my body and not with my spirit and no that's not fair.

Corky: Ok, ok, that's fine. I could agree with that. Donna, what would you say about that? You did that didn't you?

Donna: Oh I'm sure.

Corky: What do you mean you're sure? Come one Donna, give me a break. You were an intense abuser of useful powers weren't you? I mean using womanhood over the men you were around when you were a young girl. Did you do that?

Donna: Yeah.

Corky: Do you think it's interesting that you haven't been able to use them on me?

Donna: And do you think it's interesting that you haven't been able to use them on me?

Corky: I haven't been trying. But, the only reason I haven't is because, how do I say this to Serena nicely, because I know that it's a power that you use, and so I said Oh, that's a power you use, but I don't use that unless I wanted to, and I don't want to unless I see there is a purpose in it. I don't know how to explain that. I only touch sex if there is a purpose in it, because it's a state of changing is all. I think I had an excuse. I'll say it that way. You know, the last couple of incarnations, I can feel from my essence, but I cant read my mind because you cant take your mind from one incarnation to another, that I had a lot of exposure to sex and I discover the fulfillment of what sex was, and it allowed me to deal with it as a boon, a Sidhi power, a realization, an understanding, a feeling, and experience of knowing what it was, and its really weird. It's impossible to know unless you've been offered something that everybody would take, and you don't reject it, but you're just not hungry is all, there's no hunger. Chris, you were telling me today that you had a hunger. What was it, what was that hunger?

Chris: It's a body hunger.

Corky: For what?

Chris: There is this muscular contraction that is called ejaculation.

Corky: Ok, let's just say your body did that, there is a feeler, your bodies there ok, and then it has a feeler right? What's that feeler say about that feeling?

Chris: It's a release from thought. It's just a release.

Corky: Yeah. Al, if you were to put yourself in Chris' place and forget about Al, let him go totally, you can see what he's saying right, he's saying that he just feels it and its an experience and stuff, but if you had to come back to Al, could you say that there's something more to it than just that feeling, there's something going back and forth to create the feeling because if nothings happening there's no feeling, but if there's a movement there's a feeling.

Serena: I have a question. Why is it ok for them motherfuckers to be horny and not me? That's what I want to know. Its not abuse of power, I could have a huge overbite and a big fat ass. I'm horny too. Why is that not ok. I'm horny too, why is that ok for him because he's a man and I'm abusing my power?

Corky: Wait a second, wait a second. You're jumping ahead and we haven't even got there yet. What we're talking about is separating yourself from going to where they're at. We haven't gotten to being horny like Chris is. It's ok for you to be horny. There's no problem with that. Just spend your time with Chris and Al right now and don't worry about yourself. Ok. So, Chris has got this horny on, and I think Al is saying it's ok not to have the horny, right?

Al M: Why is it ok not to have it?

Corky: Right.

Al M.: Less distraction? I don't know.

Corky: Is it ok to look at your horny from another's perspective rather than the horny's perspective. Is it ok to look at it from another part of yourself and understand why you do have it? It's ok to do that? And so it's ok for Serena to be horny to. Ok Serena, you're happy for a while, you can be horny too.

But, Chris goes around with all this guilt, right?

Chris: yeah

Corky: Why, because he's horny and he gets guilty right? So its ok to be horny and drop your guilt. Tell us about it Steve.

Steve: About being horny and dropping your guilt?

Corky: Is that what Serena just said about it Su, she's guilty about being horny? Or is she just lying about it? She could be lying.

Serena: No, just saying why she should have the equal right to be horny.

Corky: Ok. You can have equal rights. Haven't we always said everyone has equal rights around here Su?

Su: Yeah

Corky: I asked Steve the question and I'm waiting for the answer.

Steve: How to look at your horny-ness from a different perspective?

Corky: Yeah. Give him the answer, you looked at it. You went through an unbelievable transformation, don't you think? Don't you think you were lucky to come here?

Steve: Oh yeah.

Corky: You could have been doing a Chris Persky in life. Right.

Steve: Oh, I was doing that.

Corky: And you decided not to do it right? Why?

Steve: Because I didn't want to be 75 and still be horny.

Corky: I told Chris to go get castrated.

Steve: So you don't think he should just go and have all the sex he can have until he gets over it?

Corky: I think he's too old. Unless he decides he wants to do an animal. Victor, don't worry, you can run. Victor's faster than Chris.

Steve: Cause I still get horny.

Corky: I'm not saying that you don't get horny. All I'm saying is that you give yourself an opportunity. Anyway, if you can get your attention off of yourself just long enough when you get ready to die, because everyone does die, but until their parents die and they get close to it they don't pay much attention to it. But if they did they could be like what my mom said to me. I remember when she was 41 she said, "Boy, if I knew what I know now when I was back in high school my life sure would have been different." Has anybody ever heard their parents say that or been there before? Steve, you heard your parents say that didn't you?

Steve: Yeah, it was quite amazing.

Corky: What did they say?

Steve: I was visiting with my ex-wife in Manti with my parents and my mom has this file of 8.5x11 photos of all the guys she dated in high school. And she say's "I could have married him, and I could have married him, and I could have married him."

Corky: So what's the moral of the story?

Steve: I don't know.

Su: She really wishes she hadn't married your dad.

Steve: Perhaps.

Corky: She got stuck right?

Steve: The strangest was when my dad said, "Yeah looking back I realize all the girls I could have had sex with in high school and I just didn't realize it, it was right there in front of me." And that's what pissed off my ex-wife and not my mom.

Corky: Ok, can I stop you there for just a second. When you go through the marriage ceremony in Summum it's really interesting. You get married to creation, you don't get married to a person. Remember? What happens Steve? What do you remember happening, or what happened to you?

Steve: You become a part of something larger. You're surrendering your self.

Corky: And you join with the Buddha? You become a worker on creation, you evolve, you change, a joining of several entities all come together and become one entity. Because of the potential energy that's stored in one essence, and you join 10 or 20 or 100 or whatever, and they become one essence. That potential energy has to evolve because it can't stay back as a single cell, it becomes an organism or an amoeba or something and evolves on. That's what happens with human kind, they evolve on. And when you get older, only when you let yourself out of yourself can you look at your transference. And so, I would say that we give Serena 9.999999999 points for being here because she's so young...out of 10.

Serena: What about the other decimal?

Corky: You can't have it yet. Not until you grow old.

Serena: Hey, I'm horny but I'm here. I love it. I love the punishment.

Corky: Wait a second. Steve, is it punishment to you...being here.

Steve: Oh no.

Corky: Is it punishment to you Donna?

Donna: Sometimes it is punishment.

Corky: Ok, is it always punishment to you?

Al M.: Yeah, its punishment here.

Corky: But is it joy?

Al M.: Yeah, you need to hear it and do it.

Corky: Is it the greatest joy as it is the greatest punishment at the same time?

Steve: Wait a second, I would like to clarify that the question was...has it been torture? Yes, it's been torture. But is it now? No.

Corky: Serena, bring the two together and just transcend them. You got a really interesting perspective. And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it at all. I think it's just fine, but it seems like its right on the edge. You like living on the edge of life? Oh wow, that's interesting. Its ok, no problem with that or anything, but its very tense for me. The only reason it's not comfortable for me is because I remember standing next to this door on this airplane and I jumped out and the fucking parachute didn't open. But at the same time, it taught me a great lesson. That even though you can believe lots of things, you're not beyond the laws. No matter what you believe you're not beyond the laws of creation, unless you allow yourself to be. But you can't allow yourself to be from ego. You can only allow yourself to be from surrender because that's the only place that you can really let go and can allow change to take place, is when you surrender. As long as you're in an idea, it can't change because you're creating the idea. You have to go to the nothingness. You have to go into the nobody in the nothingness and away from yourself totally. In a surrender. And to really be honest you have to surrender to a master, but I can not say that you have to. Only when you're ready to. But the only reason being is because it's a sun rising saying the sun has risen and day is here and growth happens and life changes. It's like recognition of the change, and to be able to recognize the change the most difficult thing you can do, you have to do. Because when you slide through the portal of letting go of everything you have, you're born again and you're new because the only thing that goes through is your essence. But it totally transforms, it's born in a new universe that's there.

Serena: I have a question. I would love to surrender to a master, I do my best to surrender to a living, breathing master with a heartbeat who lives under god, the rules of creation. What is the best technique for that, because it's not in the books.

Corky: How would you answer that question Ron? Tell her. You know the answer, here, let me trade you spots.

Ron: Oh Man!!

Corky: Ok, now, you give the answer.

Serena: What's your technique?

Corky: No, it's not Ron's technique. It's A technique. It's not a technique, it's just sort of a direction. It's a compass field where you point your attention, and it's a milieu, when you put your attention in the milieu. Tell her about the milieu.

Ron: I don't know, I haven't really got a position to say, but for me it has always been a personal conflict between being on the track or getting off the track and stepping out and watching. It seems if I stay in activity and not concern myself with the details and just deal with the moment that's in front of me and not allow myself to go to sleep.

Corky: Have you ever entered a state of horror? Not real dramatic, just gentle horror, like general afraid-ness like in a dream or something like that in the last 5 years?

Ron: Yeah.

Corky: I'm not asking you to tell about a particular one, but describe what one is. What is it in thought, a horror.

Ron: It's a total loss of footing. An abandoning of being able to adjust your compass, your pre-concerned or pre-positioned direction, and looking at it, and not running away from it but trying to get a handle on it.

Corky: Ron has a difficult time being dishonest. Doesn't he? He can't tell a lie. He lost the ability someplace along the way. I mean, he can cheat but he doesn't tell a total lie. He fudges but he doesn't tell a total lie.

And so, why is it so difficult if you pose in a young body to allow yourself to accept the capability to become old in wisdom, just momentarily and abandoning the body and still knowing it. Why is it difficult for some people to do that? You were able to abandon your young body when you were younger weren't you? I mean, you went to the Bodhi Tree and stuff like that. So I give Serena a 9.9999 but not that extra point on the very end until she's able to abandon her body and give up on, what she thinks she is and find out who she really is? Isn't that how you'd say it? Or Steve, or Al over there who's all beet red.

And I think Chris wanted to argue about it. Right? Do you think its necessary to grow old or could Serena get it while she's young?

I think that class is over tonight.